With all good intent i vowed to blog every day but i’ve come to realise that somedays you just cant squeeze one out, or even find the time to, as with most things i always walk away if something is feeling forced (insert generic ‘Carry on’ double entdre(sp) here)

so i figure its better to say something when i feel like saying it, Hmmmm, whats that saying ‘He who speaks most ……………….. ‘ i’ll get back to you on that one.

I know, i know i should be broadening my horizons a little and ‘get out more’ but today i came across a fantastic pic in a magazine that is so horrifying that i’m having second thoughts about posting it, yes its another celebrity gone bad

Step up the mike Liza Minelli and ex hubby David (my face is melting) Guest, i knew this couple was troble from the time of there wedding, i mean Michael Jackson as best man and Elizabeth Taylor as bridesmaid!!??

I love Liza just because she is so unhinged and always teetering towards the steps of the BFC (Betty Ford Clinic) i believe Liza has brought time share in the BFC, i have priceless video footage of Ruby Wax interviewing Liza in a London hotel room, Liza brought along her a friend, obviously NOT a graduate of the BFC .. cant remember her name but she was one of Dr Who’s assistants (as a side bar the said ‘Friend of Liza’ once tried to have ‘intimacies’ my friend Beryl and one of his mates at a Dr Who convention, the fact that they are both gay didnt seem to slow her down any) during this interview with Ruby, Liza and her friend did all they could to stop from collapsing onto the floor, all to no avail as they crawled around the floor barking like dogs and then

re enacting the day they met at school and were beaten by the teacher with a splintering ruler, Liza tops this off with a knee knocking dance that only slows down when you can hear her recent hip replacement begin to splinter.

In the pic below Liza is on the recieving end of some ‘sweet lovin’ from hubby David, who by the way is now suing her for spousel abuse, he reckons Liza used to flog him, i say why not?.

To me this pic looks like a moment of nature, you know when the mother bird flys out the nest and comes back with a mouth full of worms and then regurgitates them into the baby chicks mouth?.

Just back from grocery shopping, i find it a very centering experience, Woolies is always chilled to just the right temprature for me, but what i REALLY love is you can stand there and read ALL the magazines without the presure you feel in a privately owned newsagent, you know where you constantly expect some pimply little snot to come up and ask ‘are you going to buy that?’ or my favorite ‘This isnt a library you know’, no one has ever said that to me yet, and i dont know how i’d react .. i’d probably just thump them, but at woolies there is no pressure, in fact it feels as if your expected to stand there for hours in the magazine isle, i once stood so long in a bookshop reading a really heavy book that when i went to put it down and leave my arms were frozen in the position i had been holding the book, my muscles seized and it lasted for a good 20 seconds, which was long enough to walk around looking as if i was pleading .. for something.The magazine display is now my favorite place to be in woolies, it used to be the pasta isle for one reason and another,

Its here at the magazine stand that i plow through all the gossip rags of the week, its from this possy i find out that Prince Edward has become a father and Prince Charles has been accused of having gay sex .. is it only me that see’s the irony in all that? but best of all its beween these pages that i’m pretty much guarenteed at least one celebrity plastic surgery disaster photo a week, and of those i cant get enough .. from an early age the cranial manipulation mutilation faux pas has facinated me, i have a ton of photos i’ve clipped stored in a box that ive kept over the years, i think Liberace was one of the pioneers of the ‘vanity mutilation’

This week i was so overwhelmed by a smorgasboard of face desecrations that i didnt know if i’d be thrown out of Woolies for standing in the isle rubbing my nipple and rocking back and forwards as i was confronted with not ONE, not TWO, but THREE!! magazines covers documenting Farrah Fawcetts latest tangle with a scalpel, Farrah has moved into the realm of the ‘contorted Jocelyn’, this is where the make over has gone so wrong that the victim looks as if they have been felled by a massive left hemisphere stroke .. oh its just fantastic.

In the photos below we see firstly a young glam Farrah who has been violated by a curling wand, nothing wrong with that. In the second photo we can see just how contorted and twisted her face has become, curving around to the right .. its almost plasticine-esque, the money shot is the last pic, here we can see Farrahs nostrils looking like they have been transplanted from Daniella Westbrooks nose (the actress from Coronation Street who snorted so much coke it rotted away the septum in her nose leaving her with a mono nostril) poor old FF’s nose looks like a bit of pork crackling has been taped onto her face and used as a nose, the discolourisation on it is proof of the massive trauma of knife through flesh, cartlidge being shattered that this poor old excuse for one of those red floppy things on a turkeys beak is of a nose.

Did anyone say mirror and credit card?,

Tammy xoxo

Seeing as its been the preverbial cliched ‘long hot summer’ i figured it was time to get Christine’s (my car) air conditioning fixed, the thought of travelling up to Sydney for fairday with only the open windows as relief from the odourous sauna that Christine becomes in summer was just too much, so a few hundred dollars later we (Adam, Tyson, Amy and i) were hurtling towards the big smoke in refrigerated discomfort, i didnt care if everyone had icycles dangling from there nostrils i payed TOP DOLLAR for the air conditioning to be fixed and i wouldnt be happy until snow flakes were shooting out of the vents, poor Tyson was wearing a leather jacket in the back seat, me? i was loving the novelty of being able to lean forward in my seat without hearing the slurp and gurgle of my shirt peeling from my back.

We trotted up to Victoria park which is between the city and Newtown, i was glad it was a little overcast as there is nothing more horrifying than fairday during a heat wave, i’ll never forget the year five dogs died of heart attacks .. and i STILL dont get the whole thing of taking your dog and parading around with it, altho this year i was pretty impressed to see a queen leading a rabbit around on a leash, Adam decided that he must eat as soon as we got there, the search was on to find something other than the fetta cheese and spinach ‘brake pads’ the Turkish ladies make, one guy we met there was gobbling them up, he nearly choked on one, but thats okay as he was pretty rude to me later on, we settled down for a feast of noodles in front of the karaoke stand, if the raw noodles didnt make me vomit then the standard of singing was about to, we said our farewells to my niece Mellissa who was there for the day and moved on with ‘Beryl’ .. who needs a blog all to herself to explain the entity that she is.

We headed up the hill towards the the lube slide .. dont ask, from the distance i could hear the hark ‘Spuddddy spuddddy’ (ONE nickname i have is ‘Spud’) i looked down the hill to see my old sister and favorite drag queen in the whole world Dee Dee L’mar waving at me, with Dee Dee was her lady in waiting Miss Margot Gashme

we skipped off down to meet them and were a little concerned that maybe the sun had got to them as they were a little ‘teetery’ on there pins, after being reassured that they were fine we got a couple of pics and sent them on there way to spread a little magic on the main stage where Margot told me to listen out at 4.15pm as she was going to cock her leg and fart into the microphone just for me, what a gem.

We scampered around to the stall that our friends Daniel and Todd were manning to say a quick hello before we headed off to the theatre, we couldnt say no to Daniel when he asked us to fill in a survey form, Beryl and i were standing next to each other doing this and laughing as we HAD to lie on it, i mean we couldnt own up to half the things this health survey was asking, i was especially shocked when i handed my form back and found that the person who was there before me had already half filled my form in on the back page, lets just say he he is fibbing more than me, or he is living the life of a debauched maniac ..

I’ll blog more later on our trip to the theatre after fairday, thats another mood and story altogether.

Meanwhile here’s a couple of fairday photos of Adam, Tyson, Dee Dee, Margot and JD.

The Tingler xoxo

I’m a little emotionally drained today, as I’m sure you all are after hearing
the news that Ken and Barbie have split up.

The MD and press officer of Mattel held a press conference to make this announcement.

I’m pretty stoked tho that it’s a polyethanol Aussie stud, ‘Blaine the boogey
boarder’ that is now getting to rub mounds with Barbie. Lets face it, once
Ken came accessorised with grey slip on shoes with zips, he was rooted
as far as Barbie was concerned.

I don’t think GI Joe would be that interested now either.

I wonder if they have a shelter for all the unwanted and
unloved Ken dolls?. A group where all the discarded Kens meet up and have
workshops, with butchers paper, and rebirth and curl up in the foetal position?
(probably not, Kens legs don’t bend do they, just another reason for GI Joe to brush him off).

Still, it was good of CNN to make it the lead story, it’s not like anyone want’s to deal with reality these days.

Here we are at the end of another weekend, it was a pretty eclectic couple of days for me, Saturday was spent corousing around with the fantastic Miss Barbie Q, its been FAR too long since she’s pulled on the size 12 stilleto’s. We met up at the gay mens drop in at Acon .. i’m thinking about doing some more volunteer work up there, i sorta miss being involved, and being at the front line and cause of all that gossip so they threw on a BBQ for Barbie Q, plans were made for Mardi Gras Fairday next weekend, make sure to drop back as i’ll be posting heaps of pics of hot guys from the day, as well as the odd photo of over heated dogs, frazzled Lesbians and celebrities trying to be incognito. Today Sunday was spend working myself up for a game of tennis, Adam and i played against Amy and her sister.

I couldnt believe how competitive they were i’m from the school of ‘If the ball heads my way i MAY run for it’ but these girls are serious tennis players, needless to say Adam served to me everytime he knew i was gazing at the guys on the next court .. he still didnt get an ace tho.

Below is a pic of Tammy and Barbie