Posts Tagged ‘Lesbian’

DUMMIES:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

NOTHING LIKE FINDING A POPCORN MAKER, AND FOOT SPA STILL IN THE BOX AT THE OP SHOP, I’VE ALWAYS FOUND THESE TWO APPLIANCES INTERCHANGEABLE ANYWAY:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

ALL THIS USELESS BEAUTY:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

BAT STAND OFF:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

MELTY GUYS THROUGH PLASTIC:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

VAN GUARD:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

IT’S A DEAL:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

HANGING ON THE TELEPHONE:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

PEPITO THE ICE CREAM LOVING DONKEY:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

CREEPY AND KOOKY:

Thursday, October 20th, 2011

Once again another sterling evening was had at the Marrickville Polly’s dance this past Saturday, all it takes is a healthy dose of friends, and attitude being checked at the door, and you’re bound to have a ball (or a toasted sandwich) at Polly’s.

Nowhere else in Sydney can you be dancing to Lady Ga Ga where the music drops, the crowd is hushed, in the zone dancing, and then over the PA comes the call ‘Don’t forget, the toasted sangers are off in ten minutes, and tickets for the bus to the Taxi Club are now for sale .. back to Ga Gag’ i love it!!, it’s so Camp, it’s so community, and it’s so without the beige polish that has decended upon many venues, and locations in our community.

I never feel guilty having a big meal before Polly’s, because i know i’m going to dance it all off later on the dance floor, nowhere else do i dance non stop and never leave the floor, all the stars align, and everything in the universe is great when you get a run of song’s like ‘Born this way’, followed by Diana Ross and ‘Chain reaction’ and then best of all, the slam dunk, ‘Amarillo’!!, i must take this opportunity to state to Polly’s, and all who sail her, if there ‘EVER’ comes a dance, and ‘Amarillo’ is NOT played, you can forget about the ‘Occupy Sydney’ protesters, i’ll have a group of smelly ferals come in and squat on the dance floor, Miss Tammy cannot do without her dose of dervish dancing to ‘Amarillo’.

Lastly, big shout out to everyone who helps to run and organise a night like Pollies, many queens swan in without nary a thought to all the work that must go into putting on an event like this, so Miss Tammy would like to take a moment to acknowledge this work, and effort, to say that it is appreciated more than you’ll ever know, so a polite, deep, and pantiless curtsy to Miss Joan, Miss Caroll and everyone from me.

GET A RAT UP YA:

Monday, October 17th, 2011

WE HAVE LIFT OFF:

Monday, October 17th, 2011

MORNING, NOON AND NIGHT:

Monday, October 17th, 2011

WHAT’S THE STORY .. :

Monday, October 17th, 2011

MEANWHILE AFTER THE GUYS SEND THE GIRLS TO GET THE CHOPS THEY FORGOT FOR THE BBQ, AND DOWNING A COUPLE OF HASTILY SCULLED SHERBIES AND GETTING ALL LIQOURED UP, THE GUYS DISCOVER WHAT HAPPENS IN THE PICNIC AREA, STAYS IN THE PICNIC AREA:

Monday, October 17th, 2011

A FAVORITE PHOTO:

Monday, October 17th, 2011

VANITY FUR:

Thursday, November 25th, 2010

In a fashion spread that is so common place these days, but not so much in Marta’s time, she took the opportunity to be dressed and stylised as some of her favorite icons. As is now expected of Marta, it was more ‘Razors’ than ‘Cutting’ edge. Pain, self mutilation and careless regard for society’s mores is all de rigour when Marta steps before the camera, so moisten a finger, and prepare to flip through the pages of Marta’s latest documented fashion gift to us ..


ABOVE PIC: Marta tips the hat, and quite possibley the scales, in this tribute to Courtney Love, Marta spared no comfort zone in her dedication to nailing her inspirations, right down to infusing her Courtney-esque wig with head lice, and hacking out a piece of her septum.


ABOVE PIC: Esther Williams never needed goggles, but that isn’t going to stop Marta interpreting what she believes Esther should have been decked out in. In true Marta fashion she insisted that her goggles carry her prescription, so in a fashionabley aqueous act she could wear these goggles with evening wear, and to the theatre.


ABOVE THREE PICS: Annette Funicello come on down!, it’s ‘Beach blanket bingo’ with Marta as she takes to the waves, and risks getting sand in her crack, and a pelt matted by the drying effects of salt water, all in the name of fashion. Speaking of, Marta can’t help herself, she has to fuck with our minds. In the first of the above three photo’s, you can see in tribute to the material girl Madge, Marta got a pair of pliars, and snapped off one of her top mollars, unlike Madge, who merely used black gum make up, Marta self medicated, and snapped the fucker off in front of the bathroom mirror, why? .. for Fah-Fah-Fashion.


ABOVE PIC: Cool as ice, or warm as an ice pipe?, Catherine Deneuve gets the nod here, the all too obvious beret, the beige Jackie O mid seventies jacket, and Marta’s own diamond earings cut from the nastiest mountain in South Africa. What can i say, cool, icey, aloof, chilly .. textbook French.


ABOVE PIC: The first of two biker girl tributes by Marta, and it’s no one you would think. Here Marta takes on the role of the sexually unsatisfied Olive Butler from the UK tv series ‘On the buses’, played by Anna Karen. Poor Olive was always relegated to the side car of her husbands motorbike, which Marta feels was a euphemism for women everywhere, and there circumstance at the time. Marta recognises, and pays tribute to the subtle work done in breaking down these barriers by making sure no bugs ever stuck in her teeth, and it was okay to wear diamonds, even tho relegated to a submissive roll in a motorbike side car, and most importantly, to suck on the exhaust fumes, and get off your nut as you were forced to be merely a passenger (even tho zoning off into the alpha).


ABOVE PIC: Ethnic chic as Marta travels to the Middle East and plays a role within a role, here Marta is styled after Michelle Phillips in ‘Valentino’, who was herself playing Natacha Rambova in the movie, shades of the famous Dali painting, of a painting, of a painting, of a painting etc. A subtle nod also goes out to Linda McCartney who refused to shave her legs, and was pilloried from pillar to post because of this act of non conformity, Marta (who personifies the the words ‘In your face’) does not fuck around, and for weeks before the photo shoot, mainlined testosterone directly into her temple, to ramp up the pelt on her upper chest as a casual ‘Fuck you!’, and as a nod of solidarity to her more hirsute sisters.


ABOVE PIC: The second in the ‘Biker girl’ series, here Marta don’s a ‘Pleather’ jacket, jumps out of the side car, takes the handlebars, and becomes Shelly Winters in ‘Cleopatra Jones’. Note the totally Sixties face viser, the collagen stung lips, and the Easy Rider profile, no happy accidents here.


ABOVE THREE PICS: Marta does Martha (‘Stewart’ that is). Is it any wonder that Marta chose to pay tribute to a woman who’s life has encopassed crocheting colostomy bag covers, macrame wall hangings (used primarilly for auto erotic asphyixiation), and two years hard labour in an all womens prison?, didn’t think so. Anyone who thinks that the cream canister in the first pic is going to be used for the desert is vastly mistaken, Marta knows that nothing rocks your world like having a hit of nitrous from a cream canister, immediately after hammering a bucket bong.

In the second photo Marta contemplates using the flacid chicken as a hat, of course this predates Lady Ga Ga’s meat dress by a good thirty years, but the dripping bacteria from the gibblets swayed Marta away from this act of poultry fashion terrorism, even Marta draws the line at stomach cramps, and projectile gastric in the name of fashion.

Can we please make mention of the stately outfit?, from the drop flowered diamond earrings, the almost, but not quite, hounds tooth dress, the finely cut blouse with what i can only assume are Saville Row tailored sleeves and buttons, and the double, and wide banded watch. All for the kitchen, and all for glamour.


ABOVE PIC: ‘Jocelyn’ nothing more to be said.


ABOVE PIC: Lauren Bacall all the way, Marta makes a flowing entrance, it’s all about the movement and the moment. The scolloped front flows down, but pulls up short of the pubic region, it’s Marta saying ‘You can have a bit, but not everything’. For her cuffs Marta has hacked the cuff’s off an old pair of bell bottom slacks and grafted them on here for winter covereage, i’ve seen this dress worn in spring without the extended arm length, making this dress a little more interactive. The flower burst diamond (of course) earings are on display for all to ogle, and in true Marta fashion, her stockings, or leggings, are actually made from the stretched foam coverings used to protect stone fruits in supermarkets. Jeannie Little may have made a career out of making dresses from garbage bags, but no one recycles waste into fashion like Marta.


ABOVE PIC: With a look of stoicism, unaffected detachement and a serene calm, Marta holds aloft no mere accsesory, but a symbol of repression everywhere in the GLBTI community, the humble turkey baster. Years before ribbons, fundraisers and awareness campaigns, Marta would appear at openings, red carpet roll outs and celebrity events clutching the baster, and much like how Paris Hilton walks around with her rat dog living in her purse (what dog wouldn’t want to live in a confined space packed with drugs) Marta would use this not so much as an accesory, but as more of a statement, to get people talking, to open up a dialog and break down the walls of misunderstanding. In this one photo Marta pays tribute to not only every downtrodden GLBTI actor and actress, but to every GLBTI person who has been shitlisted, shafted, derailed and denied the fundemental, and basic human rights that so many others enjoy. Cast aside your ribbons, and hold aloft the turkey baster as the international symbol of working around, and defeating archaic beliefs and systems, put in place to stop us progressing and procreating. Thank you for this gift Marta, thank you for giving us a visual to identify with, VIVA LA BASTER, VIVA LA MARTA!!.

This collection is dedicated to Shelly, a fine person who knows her Simian style.

HAIRMOUTH AU GO GO:

Tuesday, August 17th, 2010

Recently ‘RAGE’ played some old episodes of Countdown, and i was cock o’ hoop to see that they played ‘Product of your mind’ by ‘Jimmy and the boys’, if for no other reason than it features Joylene Hairmouth’s greatest ever filmed performance.

This is the Citizen Kane of Joylene, a veritable Hairmouth cinema verite.

I love this clip soooo fucking much, Joylene is treating the keyboard with such contemp, but it’s trained contemp, she’s going at it like Shirley in the Partridge family, after Ruben Kinkade accidently drugged her, instead of Danny.

Think Marta Hari from Lancelot Linc’s Evolution Revolution .. that style of playing, where the hands look like they are frantically trying to fan someone back into conciousness after a bad, or really good pill.

We all know what was done to those poor bastard monkey’s to get them ramped up and hopping about, simian electro play was the order of the day, and Joylene looks, and performs in this clip like she’s had a car battery freshly clipped to her nipples.

To this very day, each time i enter the Opera House’s grand hall i have a knot in my stomach, knowing that Dame Joan Sutherland and Olivia Newton John opened that place, when all along the first person on the stage should have been the real La Stupenda Joylene.

Let me tell you, i bet Joylene would have had a better camel toe than Olivia did in her black lycra pants in Grease (another starring roll Joylene was jyped out of).

I do my bit, every morning i lay a fresh lilly before the framed photo i have in my lounge room, that was taken last year of Joylene, myself and my filthy bitch bestie ‘Beryl’.

Both Beryl and i agree that besides the night we came across a leather clad, and Rose free Willie Porteous at Sleaze ball, in the downstairs shitters in the Hordern Pavillion, our evening with Joylene was the pinacle of our very existence.

Below are some screen captures i took from the clip. I’ve posted some before, but they were from a lame ass Youtube clip, these are better quality, and it’s all about preserving art in the best possible quality .. and taste.

WHO WOULD HAVE THOUGHT:

Wednesday, February 18th, 2009

February 12th 2009, a date circled most enthusiastically in my diary, for this was the day when i finally had the honour of paying homage to the most influential lady to ever cross the entertainment, and political stages of Australia. Forget your Chelsea Brown’s and Bronwyn Bishops, none of them hold a melting candle to Joylene Thornbird Hairmouth.

Joylene was starring in a show at the factory theatre ‘Betcha thought i was dead .. ‘ and so it was that the collective Miss’s Tammy, Stephanie, Beryl and Viv went along with butterflies sniffing amyl in our bellies, such was the level of our excitement.

I cant go into a review of the show, it was one of those ‘You just have to see it to believe it’ situations, i went merely excited to be seeing Joylene for the first time but we left having seen an amazingly well written, and sharp piece of theatre.

At the end of the show Joylene left the stage, i thought alas my chance of kneeling before her to pay my respects had flown out the window, but upon leaving the theatre and entering the foyer Miss Stephanie squealed ‘She’s here!’ and so we hung back while Joylene conversed with some friends of hers, i was amazed to realize that for almost the first time in my life i was nervous to be meeting a star!.

I’ve met more famous people than Beryl has had interventions, I’ve done all the biggies, including Diana and Paul McCartney, but Joylene was rooted a little deeper in my belly.

When i thought about it i realised that Joylene was someone who struck a very deep, and early chord with me .. but not an obvious one, Diana yeah for the glam, and Paul for the music, but Joylene went deeper, to a darker more hidden place.

Then it all came together for me while waiting to meet her, when i used to watch Joylene on tv when i was a kid, she was a drag terrorist, she was doing things that no one would dare do in 1970’s Australia, a disemboweling drag queen appearing on the daytime blue rinse Mike Walsh show?, a self immolating drag queen running for the Australian senate?, my little fourteen year old eyes were watching all this, and tho I’ve never had the urge to don an osti frock, i was desperate to be however, and whatever i was meant to be.

I felt crushed, compressed and moulded into what i was supposed to be, or expected to be, but through watching Joylene all those years, it must have sunk in deep, that you can step outside the square, you can do whatever you want to do (sometimes at a high cost, but surely it’s a higher cost to not do that) it is possible to not fit the mold.

I now know that that is what my little eyes were taking in.

When Joylene finished talking to her friends, i went over and introduced myself, and instantly i felt a warmth, a sense of gratitude to her i could not convey. It was a joy for me to see the sense of wonder in Beryl’s eyes as she realised she was in the presence of greatness, she was standing before Australia’s very own Drag terrorist, our very own Filth Queen if you will, and no matter how many rats have lived in Beryl’s drag wigs, she could never hold a torch to Joylenes monolithic, iconic beehive blade (Which should be in the Powerhouse museum along with Joylene’s other fashions, i mean if they can have an exhibition of Diana’s dresses and artifacts surely one dedicated to Joylene cant be far away).

Joylene was so very gracious, and entertained us for several minutes, and accommodated photo’s and autograph’s, we bid our thanks and farewell’s, after fullfilling our desire, to prone ourselves, to prostrate ourselves before her size 12 court heels, in utter gratitude, and thanks.

It was rather telling when we were outside, Stephanie commented ‘Isn’t it lovely when you meet someone you love and admire, and they aren’t an arsehole’.

Click here for my previous Joylene post.

Once again Joylene, thank you from the heart of my bottom.

Eric Oldfield.

Saturday, November 1st, 2008

a

b

c

d

e

My first crush.

FROM THE FILES OF I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN I WAS GAY WHEN:

Friday, October 31st, 2008

During the big clean out of 2008 I found this photo in an old issue of TV Week magazine of Eric Oldfield, an Aussie actor, who appeared most memorably in ‘The Young Doctors’. My lust for Eric Oldfield goes back much, much further than that. In about 1973 Eric was the centerfold in Cleo magazine, not full frontal, but you saw enough. I remember seeing this, and I really think from that moment on the deal was sealed. I was fascinated by these photo’s, I was drawn to them like a sociopath to a McDonalds drive thru speaker. To this day I can see the pictures so clearly in my minds eye, obviously I didn’t know what it was back then when I was eight years old. It’s so funny, a friend just the other night saw this magazine photo I had laying around my house, he’s about the same age as me, and he gasped when he saw it. He went on to tell me how he had seen the Cleo centrefold and had been drawn to it as well. I mentioned this to my friend Matt in Melbourne, he too fessed up that Eric Oldfield in Cleo had had the same effect on him, and that he too could recall each detail of the photo’s. Anyone that can find me a copy of that issue of Cleo will be rewarded handsomely, I’d LOVE to scan it up and post it here.

Family ties.

Wednesday, May 23rd, 2007

It’s a total pisser to me that huge amount of my family now lives in Queensland, but thankfully we have all stayed close. I was flicking through a photo album the other day, and found this photo of Adam and i, taken with my niece Michelle last year. The photo next to it showed me with my sister, as well as Michelle and her two sisters Kylie and Danielle in the surf at Mollymook, when we were just little kids. Whats with all this reflection lately with me?, pulling my old notice board to pieces, finding old photographs, throwing out a heap of old stuff i once clung to, am i De-nesting?.

PIC 1: I was lucky enough to have a lot of my nieces and nephews born soon after me so the bonus is that they are all more like brothers and sisters to me than nieces and nephews, i was only seven when my third niece was born!

PIC 2: Me, my big sister, and three nieces in the surf at Mollymook. Every summer the whole family, inc aunts, uncles, cousins etc would decend, en masse to Burill Lake on the south coast. Unless it was pissing down with rain, we would spend pretty much every day at the beach, not just one, but a whole array of beaches. I’m not exagerating when i say that, each day we spent hours swimming, and surfing on our Merrin surf mats. As soon as we got to the beach we would race in, and only come out every now and then for a drink, and lunch, which i remember as vegemite sandwiches, and orange Minor orange juice in a foam insulated drinks container. As soon as the food had settled in our bellies, we’d race off back into the water for another couple of hours. When i look at these old photo’s, i can’t believe how skinny i was, it must have been because of all the time we spent in the surf. Maybe i need to get myself a surf mat again.

JOYLENE THORNBIRD HAIRMOUTH:

Saturday, April 21st, 2007

Thanks to Claustral for the above photo.

Over the last few days i’ve been moving some stuff out
of my old room at my mums house, under the dust and
spider webs i found a pile of my old music magazines
from the late 70’s/early 80’s, i was totally blown
away when i found my collection of clippings and
magazines on the Aussie band ‘Jimmy and the boys’

I hope you all remember this
outrageous band, they were wild, out of control but in looking back they were a great band. Their shows were equal parts theatre and punk, i
was, and AM, devoted to their cross dressing
keyboard player ‘Joylene Thornbird Hairmouth’

Joylene used to faux disembowel herself on stage using
offal, all the while Iggy the lead singer would be
burning baby dolls around her.

In 1980 Joylene ran for the senate and i remember my
sister who worked for the electrol commision at the
time keeping me up to date with Joylenes progress, i
just found the below info on the net, Joylene v’s
Fred Nile!! (Where are you now Joylene!? we need you in
the senate now more than ever!)

1980
SENATE

NEW SOUTH WALES 3,184,997 enrolled, 2,999,196
(94.2%) voted
=======================================================
Five senators to be elected: Quota for election
452,977
——————————————————-
Fred Nile CTA 110,940
04.1 Group A

Joylene Hairmouth 4,334
00.2 Q:0.010

2nd count: McClelland’s 754,205 surplus votes
distributed
————–
Nile 430 (00.1) 111,370
04.1
Hairmouth 31 (00.0) 4,365
00.2
——————————————————–
> 754,205 2,717,858
——————————————————

Classic!! over four thousand votes for a drag queen
way back in 1980!, remember .. this was way
before Priscilla, The sum of us, Queer as folk etc, Joylene
was at the forefront of all that came after.

I remember as a fourteen year old sitting up in the
school library with my friend Vinnie making up ‘How to
vote’ pamphlets for Joylene with a drawing of her on
the front, i absolutely mastered colouring in Joylenes
patented beehive curved wig (‘The Blade’ as we called it)
somewhere during one of my moves i lost the last of
these drawings, i still had one up until a couple of
of years ago, i remember one
of the policies was ‘Put a scone in parliment’

I think i even wrote a song about her, one of the lines
was ‘She’s the queen of the queens’.

To this day whenever mum comes back from the hairdresser
and she’s worried her hair is a little over teased, mum
will ask us ‘It’s not too Joylene is it?’

My friend Ves once told me of a game .. ‘You should have
known you were gay when …. ‘ where you think back
and list the obvious signs, when i think back, how did
i kid myself that people didnt know i was a flaming
queen! a fourteen year old becoming politically active
and aware by supporting a disembowling drag queen!!??

I also found a heap of cassettes at mums that i’d
taped using a little tape machine i’d set up in front
of the tv speaker, they were full of Bette Midler and
Debbie Harry interviews! and i DO remember my
mum saying to me once ‘Dont you think you should like
younger girls?’ .. seriously another ‘You should have
known’ moments.

Please enjoy my humble little tribute to someone who
touched a closeted young queen in Wollongong with her
guts and glory at a time when Australia was a lot harsher place ..

Joylene Thornbird Hairmouth ..

Below: This is a screen capture from the ‘I’m not like everybody else’ video, i love Joylenes Christine Mcvie wig here.

Below: Screen captures from the video for ‘Product of your mind’ i think i remember reading at the time that this was filmed at WIN 4 studios in Wollongong, i remember being quite excited when i heard that .. being a Gong boy and all, this promo is most amazing for the mere fact that never at any other time was Joylenes ‘Blade’ wig so majestically displayed, there are a couple of photos below that capture the true splendour of the beserk cranio bush.

BELOW: I just have to comment on the screen capture below, just look at the confidence in Joylene, she looks like nothing in the world could take her on, not even Gamera or Ghidra on speed, the ‘Blade’ wig is fully extended and shown here for the weapon it was .. a weapon of fashion, extended like the arch of a peacocks tail. Please take note in this clip how Joylene attacks the keyboard with stabs of her hands, i cant help but feel Joylenes style of playing was somewhat influenced by the clips of the keyboard player in Lancelot Link and the Evolution Revolution




Below: A still from the ‘They wont let my girlfriend talk to me’ video, to me Joylene looks just like Maggie Dence who played Aunty Rose Sullivan in the tv series of the same name

Below: Maggie Dence (I need a pic of her as Rose Sullivan so you can see what i mean)

Below: Joylene really was the ultimate rock chick.






Below: Cabaret Joylene.

Below: An example of my Joylene art.

Below: Joylene the minx.





Below: ‘Joylene Unlimited’ Hmmmmm, i think Donnie Sutherland who hosted Sounds Unlimited must have had a soft spot for Joylene as i can recall at least a couple of interviews with Joylene on that show (OH to have had a video recorder in those days) as you can see by the photo producer Allan Carr was on the show once with Joylene, and even (gulp) got to don her famous ‘Blade’ wig.


Below: Joylene more recently with Vanessa Wagner, proving she is still all class and beauty.


Below: My favorite photo of our beloved Joylene Thornbird Hairmouth, Thank you Joylene from the heart of my bottom, for without realising it at the time you helped form, nurture and encourage that part of me that likes to dance around and step outside the square, while others are content to stay inside it and never feel the joy of being unshackled from societies mores.

Not sure of the names of the photographers, i know Bob King took a lot of Joylene, please contact me so i can give credit.

BETTER GET A LAWYER:

Thursday, April 27th, 2006

Perth socialite Rose Porteous will be well enough to face trial later this year on charges of altering a prescription, a court has been told.

Ms Porteous has previously pleaded not guilty to fraudulently altering a prescription for the drug Hypnovel last June.

She was also unable to attend court in March, when her lawyer Shane Brennan presented the court with a letter from his client’s psychiatrist saying Ms Porteous was suffering from a suspected “brain stroke”.

NOTE: Is there any other kind?

Magistrate Paul Heaney then rescheduled the case until today to set a new trial date, saying that if Ms Porteous was not able to set a new trial date, she would need more than the psychiatrist’s letter to show she was too sick.

Today Mr Brennan told Registrar Warren Southwell his client would be well enough to face trial.

He also said she needed more than one day to defend the charges.

“It depends on how things transpire,” Mr Brennan said.

“There’s convoluted medical evidence for a start.”

NOTE: How true.

Mr Southwell set the trial down for October 16 and 17.

NOTE: I’m booking my flight and accomodation for this.

Mr Brennan said he had been unable to give warning before the January trial.

“Unfortunately the state of my client’s illness was not apparent until close to the trial date,” Mr Brennan said.

MELBOURNE:

Sunday, April 23rd, 2006

I’m spending a few days in Melbourne with my mate Phillip, he can be found wired for sound and photo’s at www.melbourneloft.com while down here i’m going to catch up with as many friends as i possibley can including Dicko and Garry who i’ll be appearing alongside on the radio tomorrow night www.stereo974.com

Melbourne as ever is fantastic, the only thing that would stop me moving here is the fact that it’s so special every time i visit, i dont ever want to take it for granted.

DARH-LINK:

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

You know it was just one of those day’s, a lazy Sunday afternoon, the sun was shining bright, all was right with the world and I was catching up with my friend Dave from Melbourne who I hadn’t seen in over twelve months, as we window shopped our way up and down King St Newtown we turned into an antique store

.. Like a beacon on an ink black night something caught our eyes high up on a shelf, a glowing pink box, a sight so rare, so majestic, it drew us to it as if moving in slow motion, just before we reached it I caught Dave faltering out of the corner of my eyes, I read his face as it creased and spelt out ‘No, this can’t be real .. I’m not seeing this wondrous item before me’ I gathered my composure and continued forward until my hand clasped around this most precious prize, I knew at that moment that we would not be separated ..

Dave’s eyes were misty as he continued forward in slow motion towards me, a guttural ‘Nooooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!’ could be heard escaping from his lips.

I held my purchase aloft, I clasped it to my chest .. I wanted for a moment to be at one with it, to connect .. after all, it’s not every day a boy finds an original Eva Gabor wig in it’s original packaging, in mint condition for only $15.00 is it?

UNCLE:

Tuesday, April 18th, 2006

Sunday we celebrated my nephews birthday, what does a caring and responsible uncle like myself buy him for a present? .. non other than this totally toxic and highly flamable Michael Jackson wig and hat. The above photo is what they used on the packaging, i’m thinking this faux afro isnt an officially licenced product from ‘Neverland enterprises’

JOAN:

Thursday, April 13th, 2006

A big thrill for me whilst in America was getting to visit Joan Crawford’s house in Brentwood, quite close to where Marilyn Monroe lived.
Some of the photo’s i have of Joan are quite bizzare, whilst i’m not sure the following two classify as bizzare they are a little weird.

PHOTO # 1

In this photo it looks as if Joan was auditioning for the role of Marge Simpson.

PHOTO # 2

Here we have Joan with Colonel Sanders, probably trying to tie up a cross promotion with KFC and Joan’s beloved Pepsi.

PATSY BISCOE AKE PATE BISCUIT:

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006

Another op shop find last week was an album from my past, the ‘Patsy Biscoe songbook’ Patsy used to be on the Aussie kids show ‘Here’s Humphrey’ each day Patsy would lead the children at in a sing along, how exciting! i can still remember Patsy’s distinctive finger picking style on her ‘folk’ guitar, many years later poor Patsy down graded and was reduced to busking on ‘Fat cat and friends’ .. a poor man’s ‘Humphrey’ by any measure, altho Fat Cat is the source of one of my favorite jokes ever ‘What’s the difference between you and Fat Cat? .. Fat Cat had friends!’

Most recently Patsy was seen on the ‘Big Gig’ a fantastic comedy show, they used to have a charactor on the show called Pate’ Biscuit who looked and acted an awful lot like Patsy, except Pate’ would tell horrible and horrid stories to the ‘Children at home’ one night in the middle of Pate’s act the real Patsy turned up and had a go at her clone nemesis, i must have a photo of that somewhere.

The one thing i forgot was how mega Patsy’s hair was in the early day’s .. no wonder i had a soft spot for her.

ROSE PORTEOUS UPDATE:

Wednesday, April 12th, 2006

Chaos is surrounding poor Rose Porteous at the moment, first she was arrested for falsifying a medical pescription, she had altered the script so it had more repeats .. a lot more repeats. The best part is Rose’s defense, she claims she mistook the script for a lotto form and that’s why she wrote down the large number! is it any wonder we love her so?

When Rose was due to appear in court to face the charges she was aledgedy too ill to attend, this didn’t stop her however appearing at a charity shoe auction, you can see Rose in the photo below modeling her shoe with a HUGE diamond on the toe.

Soon after Rose collapsed .. I have a vast number of clippings documenting Rose’s collapses, I think Rose has dropped more times than Jason Donovan at his most ‘asthmatic’ but this time it’s reported Rose has had a stroke.

Compounding this was the trauma of watching her former home .. the legendary ‘Prix d’amour’ smashed to the ground by the demolition men, what a sad end to a house that has seen so many outrageous acts and incidents.

PHOTO # 1

Rose raises a foot adorned with a sparkly rock for charity.

PHOTO # 2

The tractors claw gouges away at Roses portico, it almost looks like performance art.

PHOTO # 3

My photo of Rose which adorns my fridge door, here we can see i have added Adam’s false eyelashes to Rose’s photo .. stunning.

HITCHIN:

Friday, April 7th, 2006

Sight of the day .. I’m driving along the road and there was some school’s cross country run under way, there were a couple of hundred kids running along the footpath, some were sprinting, some jogging and a few puffing and snorting, one kid tho had obviously had enough, he stood on the side of the road hitchhiking!.

DUSTY:

Thursday, April 6th, 2006

Spent a great weekend in Sydney with Adam ,his mum and our friend Min. We went to the glam(less) Star City Casino to see the musical ‘Dusty’ which i must admit i was pretty impressed by, my sister is a Dusty freak from way back and she is now popping to go. Before we go to the casino we took a walk through Newtown and had lunch, we all agreed that if we ever had to move to Sydney Newtown is still the place we’d all choose to live.

PHOTO 1

That’s me, Adam and Adam’s mum having lunch in Newtown at the North Indian Diner, this is a pretty famous place in Newtown, it’s really popular probably because it’s so cheap and great value, i found myself having a ‘bizaro moment’ while sitting there, i was zoning out thinking of all times and situations i’ve found myself eating in this place, some of them quite bizzare, some just plain happy and joyful, and now here i was sitting with my boyfriend and his mum .. it was just one of those ‘Did i ever imagine back then that i’d be sitting here years later with someone i love and adore, along with his mum’ moments? .. like i said, bizaro.

PHOTO 2

Hmmmmm, the remanants of my lunch, a glob of fetta cheese, i looked at this and thought ‘Thats probably what the inside of one of my arteries look’s like’ i have now sworn off a lot of globby food and i’m back to swimming.

PHOTO 3

Dusty, a true legend .. do yourselves the preverbial favour and give her another listen, what a pure and soulful voice.

PHOTO 4

Would this sign prick your conscience?

PHOTO 5

Glamour stairs.

PHOTO 6

Me’n’Min

NINE LIVES:

Thursday, April 6th, 2006

Surely this sad excuse for a human being has used up all of his political lives by now?


LOCAL BOY MAKES GOOD:

Thursday, April 6th, 2006

A couple of photo’s of Ben Kersten who won gold in the comonwealth games, he lives in Kiama but used to live in Figtree just around the corner from the very first ‘protoloft’ www.melbourneloft.com


FRIENDS AND HIGH HAIR:

Sunday, March 26th, 2006

We’ve had a long hot summer down, we’re a month into autumn and still we’re heading to the beach swimming and surfing, the lucky thing for me is I live really close to the beach, so it doesn’t take too much arm twisting for friends to head over for a visit, and that’s whats been happening the last several weeks, a visit, a swim and then out to dinner. One terrifying consequence of me spending time in salt water is for whatever reason or phenomena my hair stands up on end in spikes, poor Phillip at www.melbourneloft.com has horrible nighmares at the mere thought of of one strand of my hair raising itself from my scalp, I must mention Phillip performed many interventions on me in the early 90’s during some ‘experimental’ hair periods.

CRYSTAL PILLARS:

HIGH HAIR:

DINNER:

MOUNTIE:

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

Alas our buddy, friend and pal Marc has now returned to the land of the long white something or other, we said our goodbyes over yummy Mexican food at Amigo’s, hopefully Marc will be back before too long or barring that, Adam and i will be able to sashay over to Canada.


FAIRLY FAIR DAY:

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

And so another Mardi Gras Fair Day comes around and most every queen and dyke frets over what to wear whilst looking stylishly unconcerned. T’was a fun day and made all the more so because we organized ourselves so we were all in town at the same time and together, we moved and walked as a pack and it was hard not to feel a sense of pride at the beautiful and wonderous friends i was surrounded by, slowly the scorching sun and soup like humidity took it’s toll and friends slowly peeled away to search for cooler climes, the hardy amongst us found shade and the beer tent. I was somewhat heartend that this year i was not handed one flyer for a gym or tanning salon, perhaps i now carry the air of a lost cause on those counts, and the question begs to be asked .. why am i the only one not wearing my sunnies in the group photo’s, even tho i had them on me, should i read more into this than i am?




MONKEY BELLY:

Tuesday, February 28th, 2006

I’m partial to a monkey belly on a guy, and i’m partial to Nick Carter from the Backstreet Boys, put the two together and we have a winning combination.

STRIKE A POSE:

Tuesday, February 21st, 2006

To placate the baying mobs of Marta fans who want more more more fashion, stand by for a spread of shere cutting edge beauty.

Photo # 1

Annie the primate Oakly, who would have ever thought tassles could look so alluring against a backdrop of natural fur? once again Marta shows that a real lady never steps outside the front door without earings, no one does ear furniture like Marta.

Photo # 2

Ya gotta love a girl who wears a ribbon tie, here we have Marta stepping out for a little show jumping, the Cindy Crawford beauty spots says ‘Look at me!, i am fantastic’.

Photo # 3

Not Marta, but a co-star showing how mutton chop sideburns were’nt the sole domain of Bernard King.

TAKING A DIVE:

Wednesday, February 8th, 2006

Taking a dive: Lest it been thought that I’m a total grump about Ostray-yah day, there was the alluring sight of drunk boys diving and bellyflopping into the harbour that did keep us mildly amused for an hour or two :-)